He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize