The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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