Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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