need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
