Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
