So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
