At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
