sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize