Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
