if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
