she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
