Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
