So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
