Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
