so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
