i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
