: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
