There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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