John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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