I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
