an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
