There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
