I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
