I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
