I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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