am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
