I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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