He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
