Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
