put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
a search helicopter?!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
