God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
