Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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