I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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