halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
