So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
