Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
