he thought i was a dude.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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