she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
