i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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