Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was like his penis was on wheels.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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