if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
