My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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