is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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