That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
