Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The feeling are messing with the penis
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
