guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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