Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
