So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
