listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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