TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
