I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
