i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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