I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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