ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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