My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
