you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize