Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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