Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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