did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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