I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
