God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
