All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
