feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
