I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
