My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm at about main and main street
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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