I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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