Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think i have herpe
just one?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize