i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
