Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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