If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
