my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
