My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
