his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
