I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
