he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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