I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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