did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
