we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
