from now on my penis is your penis
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize