Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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