Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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