i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
