Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
