A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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